2008 Woodie Awards
Plan ahead, don't take the walk of shame
Issue date: 10/10/08 Section: Opinion
Originally published: 10/9/08 at 5:57 PM EST
Last update: 10/10/08 at 7:25 AM EST
There's something about seeing a girl walking home alone in broad daylight that makes me cringe. This is especially true if it's on a bright Sunday morning. The walk of shame is ridiculously easy to pinpoint.
I've never been subjected to this walk myself, which is an advantage of living in dorms where you can easily sneak back to your room on another floor. You wouldn't guess where I'd been from the walk that I'm taking. I take extra care to be as discreet as possible.
It boggles my mind that anyone would walk back to their dorm room looking like a throwaway extra from a 50 Cent video. Still, there's always guilt following the disgust that quickly fills my mind. Isn't this the same walk that my guy friends have discreetly taken? I've formulated a theory on this subject.
When a girl goes to a party, it's an occasion for dressing up. When a guy heads off to a party, it's an occasion for beer pong. The walk of shame is easier for a guy to pull off with grace. I'm slow to assume that a causally dressed male, walking out of a random off-campus apartment, is returning home with a boosted ego.
Nevertheless, I'm fast to assume that a fashionably dressed female, walking out of a random off-campus apartment, is returning home with a bruised ego. There are numerous ways to avoid being a walking billboard that says, "guess what I did last night?"
Ladies, if you're sure you're going to get lucky, plan ahead. If possible, pack some fresh clothes for the next morning. The whole Plattsburgh State campus doesn't want to know that you got some. Hell, we don't care.
The person you were with last night should care. Now that I've thought more carefully on this subject, most of my blame is on the shoulders of the guys who allow their girlfriends to take this dreaded walk.
Gentlemen, don't be a complete tool - drive your girlfriends home. Chivalry didn't die the day that condoms were invented. It's time for you to start realizing that it's polite, and half-expected, for you to courteously offer a ride to your former conquest.
Hold off on the early morning phone calls to your closest buds bragging about your latest booty call and get in gear. No one should let the person they slept with endure the painful solitude of a long walk back to their dorm room.
Suffering that walk can make the most beautiful girl insecure about her self-worth. It all comes down to this: How would you want someone to treat your little sister? So ladies and gentlemen, next time you're coming home alone, transform that walk of shame into a stride of pride and take some dignity in your image. Keep what you've done to yourselves and stop broadcasting it for the entire world to see.
I've never been subjected to this walk myself, which is an advantage of living in dorms where you can easily sneak back to your room on another floor. You wouldn't guess where I'd been from the walk that I'm taking. I take extra care to be as discreet as possible.
It boggles my mind that anyone would walk back to their dorm room looking like a throwaway extra from a 50 Cent video. Still, there's always guilt following the disgust that quickly fills my mind. Isn't this the same walk that my guy friends have discreetly taken? I've formulated a theory on this subject.
When a girl goes to a party, it's an occasion for dressing up. When a guy heads off to a party, it's an occasion for beer pong. The walk of shame is easier for a guy to pull off with grace. I'm slow to assume that a causally dressed male, walking out of a random off-campus apartment, is returning home with a boosted ego.
Nevertheless, I'm fast to assume that a fashionably dressed female, walking out of a random off-campus apartment, is returning home with a bruised ego. There are numerous ways to avoid being a walking billboard that says, "guess what I did last night?"
Ladies, if you're sure you're going to get lucky, plan ahead. If possible, pack some fresh clothes for the next morning. The whole Plattsburgh State campus doesn't want to know that you got some. Hell, we don't care.
The person you were with last night should care. Now that I've thought more carefully on this subject, most of my blame is on the shoulders of the guys who allow their girlfriends to take this dreaded walk.
Gentlemen, don't be a complete tool - drive your girlfriends home. Chivalry didn't die the day that condoms were invented. It's time for you to start realizing that it's polite, and half-expected, for you to courteously offer a ride to your former conquest.
Hold off on the early morning phone calls to your closest buds bragging about your latest booty call and get in gear. No one should let the person they slept with endure the painful solitude of a long walk back to their dorm room.
Suffering that walk can make the most beautiful girl insecure about her self-worth. It all comes down to this: How would you want someone to treat your little sister? So ladies and gentlemen, next time you're coming home alone, transform that walk of shame into a stride of pride and take some dignity in your image. Keep what you've done to yourselves and stop broadcasting it for the entire world to see.
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