Miles apart doesn't mean it's time to quit
Sex and the SUNY
Published: Thursday, May 10, 2012
Updated: Thursday, May 10, 2012 21:05
When it comes to sex and relationships, there are two things that I know I’m pretty darn good at: long distance and fellatio.
Sadly, this column isn’t about the latter.
The relationship I’m in now has been long distance from the start. One week after I received my acceptance letter to Plattsburgh State and two months before I graduated from community college, my now-boyfriend decided it was the perfect time to drunkenly confess his feelings to me. Since I had been harboring a secret crush on him for the past few months, I was elated.
Then reality hit me. We already lived an hour apart, when I went home for the summer we would be an hour and a half away, and I was about to leave to Plattsburgh and move four hours away. What were we going to do? I was also very jaded from my last relationship catastrophe, so I didn’t even know if I was ready to let someone in again. After some encouragement from my closest friends, I decided to go on a few dates and see how I felt afterward.
At first, it seemed like we could be a simple fling. He was so funny, and cute. I could see us having fun for the few weeks I had left at school and we could call it a day.
Although my friends obviously saw something more happening, I protested it and even had a convincing list of reasons why not to fully commit. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I wouldn’t be able to handle the distance and even though I liked him, it wasn’t enough to commit. I was acting like a toddler who screamed that they didn’t need a nap, but you could see how tired they were.
My resolve was quickly broken the more I got to know him. He was kind, incredibly funny, and was a secret hopeless romantic. I felt so comfortable so quickly around him that it seemed like we had been dating for years, not weeks. Next thing I knew, I was on the stairs at a party and drunk as a skunk, asking him why I wasn’t his girlfriend already. Drunk me is very subtle.
We’ve recently hit the two year mark and I have some advice for all the couples out there who’ll be facing their first summer away from their loved one.
1. Be upfront about what you need. I know that I need a phone call from Brock pretty much every night to make me feel loved and thought about. You may feel whiny for letting them know how much attention you need, but it’s a discussion worth having.
2. Visit when you can. Calls, texting, and Skype can only do so much. If possible, set up a time where one of you can go and visit the other. Brock and I strive to see each other in person at least once a month.
3. Have something you share when you’re apart. It can be a show, movie night or whatever. I started playing MapleStory, an online game, because Brock played it. Even when we go months without seeing each other, we can carve out some time to hop onto Maple and kill monsters together.
4. Have an end date. This is a point where you know you won’t be long distance anymore. Whether it’s the next semester or a specific date when you move in together, it helps having something to look forward too.
Long distance relationships aren’t for everyone but they can work as long as you’re willing to put the effort in. Don’t be afraid to take the chance because you’ll never know where you’ll end up.