Awkward threesomes not a dream

One afternoon, after a party at my friend Jake's apartment, I awoke from a sound sleep (some would call it unconsciousness) on his couch and stumbled toward the kitchen to make some coffee in hopes that it would help to shake off a mean hangover.

As I entered the kitchen I saw Jake sitting by himself at the table - but he wasn't just sitting there. His chair was tipped back, his feet were propped up on the table, his arms were behind his head, his eyes were closed and he was smiling. The man looked like he should've been floating on a cloud rather than sitting on a chair.

"Well, look at you," I said quietly because of my throbbing headache. "Looks like you're having a good morning."

"Haha Jimmah, that's cause I had a good night," Jake said as he turned toward me with a gleam in his eyes and a dude-do-I-have-a-story-for-you smile.

As it turned out, he did have a pretty good story. The previous night he'd managed to convince two ladies to join him in the much sought-after, always-allusive sex act known as the threesome, or as my friends and I have always laughingly, lovingly and longingly referred to it: "living the dream."

As Jake proudly shared the details of how he'd lived the dream in spectacular fashion the night before, I couldn't help but feel a little suspicious. I wondered if his experience had actually been amazing or whether he was classifying it as amazing for my benefit. I mean, when telling a buddy, how else can sex with two women at once be described?

My suspicion, I admit, didn't surface because Jake is given to lying or exaggeration, but rather because my own experience with threesomes had been anything but dreamy.

In fact, other than when I lost my virginity, the threesome was probably the most awkward sexual encounter I've ever had in my life.

I'd always envisioned a threesome as a naturally well-choreographed sexual experience that could only result in the highest states of pleasure and satisfaction. But what I discovered was that, as sex with one person can sometimes be a little awkward the first time because you may not know what they're into, sex with two people (and, just to be clear, I mean two women) can be extremely awkward.

My first threesome was nothing but one non-sexy moment after another, "Uh, can you move up a little bit… Ow, ow! No, not that way, the other… OW!"

"Can you move your elbow please?"

"Here, roll over… No, the other way. Okay, now you move over there… Oh, alright, well do whatever you want then."

After it was over I remember laying back and thinking that our phrase "living the dream," was a load of crap.

But in thinking about it after hearing Jake's story, I started comparing it to my previous sexual encounters in hopes I could figure out how something with the potential for so much beauty had gone so horribly wrong.

What I finally realized is that every great sexual experience I've ever had happened completely spontaneously - no talk, just action.

And prior to the threesome, my girlfriend, her friend and I had, at first, joked about it and then talked about it more and more until we finally decided that we'd give it a try.

Threesomes, like all sexual encounters in general, just have to happen naturally. Learn from my mistakes and don't try to force it or let one bad experience make you think threesomes don't have the potential to be amazing.

With a little luck, you may get to live the dream yourself someday.